This might sound terrible, but recently I’ve been fantasizing about just taking a few months off. Not just taking a vacation mind you, but actually checking out of my life for, say, three or four months. For all you reality show fans, it’s the same feeling you often get near the beginning of a season–there are so many contestants and so many possible winners that it’s hard to sift through the pile, so you start to think, “Well, maybe I’ll just take a little break and come back when they’ve narrowed down the field.” I swear, sometimes you see a stretch of time in front of you and all you can visualize is a wasteland.
I’m sure I’m not the first (or millionth) person who’s longed for human hibernation, so I really think there’s a missed business opportunity here. Cryogenics people, I’m looking squarely at you to provide some kind of pioneering solution. Unconscious vacations? Cryo rental facilities? Freezer spas? The possibilities are endless.
August 9, 2007
I’m sitting here having yet another one of my patented Fake Epiphanies(TM). I figure that maybe writing it down will help me learn this particular lesson once and for all, so here goes.
Say for instance that there are two Anitras: Generous Anitra and Selfish Anitra. Sorta similar to Goofus and Gallant from Highlights.
Exhibit A: The Original Olsen Twins?
Generous Anitra just loves volunteering her time. She can’t do enough to help people. Doesn’t matter if it’s signing up to be a grad school mentor, taking on freelance publicity assignments when she clearly doesn’t have the time, or contemplating making baked goods for the elderly on a monthly basis–just so long as it’s unpaid, time-consuming, and for a good cause, Generous Anitra is there.
Then we have Selfish Anitra. She’s fully aware that the laws of time and space dictate certain unmutable parameters, namely that one cannot stuff more than 24 hours into a single day. At least not without the use of mind-altering drugs or a time machine, both of which can get very pricey. Selfish Anitra is the one who slaps her forehead a day or two after Generous Anitra has volunteered to edit a friend’s resume or make cupcakes for a work function and realizes, “What the fuck? When exactly am I going to get that done? Note to self: Never help anyone. Ever!!”
The conudrum between our two Anitras is that they both make the other feel terribly guilty: Selfish Anitra chides Generous Anitra for perpetually taking on too much and letting people down. Generous Anitra makes Selfish Anitra feel like a narcissistic bitch. And the circle of life continues.
August 7, 2007
